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Not Into Christmas

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For a couple of years now a few friends in The Lord have written posts that they don’t celebrate Christmas. Back when I was in the church it would’ve been an unthinkable thing as my family does and always has celebrated the day Jesus came to earth as a baby and laid in a manger.

Now? I think I can see why they don’t. Christmas now has become too commercial, wanting to get the best toy and shiny bling that business have created. Instead of joy on faces of people I see discontent, stress, anger, worry etc. How can anyone celebrate Christmas under those conditions? The world only offers temporary pleasures at best and at worst they break and don’t last.

I’ve been wondering about the holiday myself and wondering why I celebrate it…is it because of presents? Is it because of family? Is it because of food? Or is it because my Lord and Savior came to earth? Even tho I’ve heard the story a thousand times there’s still mystery and intrigue when we really stop, think, and wonder about it.

December 25 is just a day but like all days we can’t forget or stop thinking about Christ. His coming, His death and resurrection.

May God bless all His children this season.

Till Jesus wills it,
Godspeed!

Foggy Mirrors

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For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

Blurry vision is like one who’s going blind.  There’s confusion as one who is lost, and frustration in seeing so many paths that say, “I’m the the real one, come here; follow me.”

There’s anger as my hopes and dreams for a life outside the one I know seems to die and there is no end in sight.  There’s bitterness at the silence – no answers – nothing that would be an encouragement. There’s despair that the Jesus I thought I knew didn’t exist and I don’t believe he does. Not the one who religion holds to anyway.

So what now? My vision yesterday was the blindest I ever knew ,and I was fed up to the point of wanting to throw in the towel …screw Christianity, screw everything to do with it!

He didn’t and hasn’t let me go. The real Jesus. He’s still there. There’s no escape. My friends didn’t let me go even though I was raving and ranting in my anger and disappointment of it all.  They still stood by gently telling me I was loved, I was known, treasured and adored beyond all I could imagine.

A verse this morning came to mind in my favorite book that resonated with what I said yesterday; ” I don’t think I want Hinds feet..” (from Hinds feet on high places) What I had said was, “I don’t think I want this anymore.” To which the Shepherd (the Spirit) said, “Oh yes you do, I know you better then you know yourself Much-Afraid (Hope), you want it very much.”

He’s right..how could He lie if he were not God and real? I find myself exhausted to care about the complications that this world seems to put on this faith. I want to let go and just be a little girl climbing up on her daddy’s lap and just soaking Him in. Maybe then my aching and restless heart could finally be at rest with no more fighting. I can finally see myself as He sees me. That I’m loved and adored. Nothing can come between my heavenly Daddy and me.

Till Jesus wills it,
Godspeed!

Learning to Trust in Everything


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poo2hese last few weeks have been tough, emotionally anyway.

I’ve fought with the temptation of suicide, distance with loved ones, and my own faith concerning Jesus and myself as His Bride.

Now, friends have told me to just focus on Him. Focus on Him and nothing else. To use my imagination to build the bond more deeply. To relax and just trust.

And I’m like; you have a hand book for that? I have no clue where to start! My imagination hasn’t been used properly for heaven knows how long. So starting up the old battery is going to take a little grease and screw driving prayer.

You know how Jesus spoke in parables, and He’d use word pictures for the imagination to dive into so that you can think about it in any way you like? I appreciate the word pictures that people have suggested to me as sort of tools to help.

For example regarding relationships, a dear sister reminded me that they are gifts, and we don’t know what we get when we receive them until we unravel the wrapping to see what it is. And sometimes a good deal of time it’s not a gift we will have forever, but only for a season. Maybe even less time than a season, but when the gift is there in our life, we can fully enjoy it. Think about and meditate on it. Gifts are given to us for a reason.

And in everything, give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Giving thanks even when my struggles are blinding for a time is hard. I still need work in that, but when I choose to praise and give thanks, it opens up a door I never knew would open.

Till Jesus wills it,
Godspeed!

Affirming or Neediness


Affirm: to say that something is true in a confident way

Needy: needing a lot of attention, affection, or emotional support

Let’s play around a bit with these two words.  “Needy” would signify self and all it’s wants and desires, and “affirm” would be in the Spirit, speaking truth in Love as firm or gentle as the need arises.

I honestly think I’m a needy person.  I crave affection, or when I’m down and moody I hope someone’s around to listen and support me if they can. But that’s all just self if I’m having a bad day emotionally and not wanting to listen to true affirmation about who I am.

My dear family, both biological and spiritual have affirmed to me again and again how they love me and who I am in Christ, and I’m grateful for that. To put up with my moods and emotions isn’t easy and I feel ashamed to even complain at times.

I’d love to become an affirming person both for myself and for others. Love loves to give more of Itself, and how can I be selfish when there are others worse off?

As a sister said, “we don’t live by seeing, we don’t live by feeling, we live by faith because faith is the evidence of things unseen.”

Till Jesus wills it,
Godspeed!